I have started my new project and have had new pictures taken. I am very lucky to be working with such talented and brilliant people. During one of our conversations we discussed acceptance as this is key to moving on and being happy in what ever situation you are in. I have also talked about acceptance with my CBT therapist. Once one accepts something it is easy. Until that point all hell is raging in our brains.
So yes, I have accepted that I am no longer "young", no longer able to have children, no longer able to feel that spring in my step in the mornings unless it is after 2 cups of tea! (if I am lucky!)
However I am still struggling with seeing myself in pictures, looking but not seeing the 23, 29, 30 or even 40 year old face staring back at me. It is someone else, someone like me but not quiet..............
I now realise why my mum used to hold the plate over her face when we would try and take a picture of her, or turn away, we used to get really annoyed with her!
So internally I am accepting of my slower pace, pains in my joints and muscles, especially after a long day in the studio, the lack of hormones and what that brings including having no periods (the only whop whop!) but that really doesn't bother me, but I have to be honest I am still struggling with those lines around the eyes and the dryness that just wont go away!
Yes I know I am vain and I know I have so much to be thankful for but I suppose I am just coming to terms with the fact that I cannot turn back the clock and ACCEPT it.. even though I will try every single day! So I will go to my bed understanding why my gorgeous mummy used to hide in photos and to accept that I have a lot to be thankful for but I will sill try to diminish some of those lines..........I KNOW , but I can try cant I!?
BTW a big thank you to my lovely sister, I saw this picture and was horrified, all I saw was lines, but she said she loved it. Thanks sis. xxx